i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
