I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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