You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
