Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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