I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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