dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
