eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
