if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
