dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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