idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
