What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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