I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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