you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
