The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
