Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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