I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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