Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
