If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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