I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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