when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
