He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
