Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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