he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
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They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
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well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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