He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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