On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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