I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
