he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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