i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
