Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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