Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
