Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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