If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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