We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
