No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
