I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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