i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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