That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
