me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.