Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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