Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I've decided to bang my pen-pal.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I've decided to bang my pen-pal. http://tfl.nu/dcyn
  Replies (35) Good night (3871) Bad night (596)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (720): well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you? http://tfl.nu/2ont
  Replies (24) Good night (788) Bad night (2852)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (248): My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while. http://tfl.nu/9oye
  Replies (8) Good night (3982) Bad night (719)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (818): That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff http://tfl.nu/4b3c
  Replies (33) Good night (795) Bad night (8453)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (617): I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw. http://tfl.nu/9aqz
  Replies (17) Good night (4740) Bad night (1030)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (973): can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters (973): i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet http://tfl.nu/povn
  Replies (11) Good night (2473) Bad night (961)
• Favorite

  (409): View more from Texas

  We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus

  (1-409): View more from Texas

  How are you texting me from 1998?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (409): We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus (1-409): How are you texting me from 1998? http://tfl.nu/t1vq
  Replies (27) Good night (8787) Bad night (1319)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Her vagina devoured it.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (850): What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"? (1-850): Her vagina devoured it. http://tfl.nu/yu5p
  Replies (8) Good night (5152) Bad night (1237)
• Favorite

  (971): View more from Oregon

  No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (971): No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge, http://tfl.nu/hq9f
  Replies (19) Good night (4490) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (780): We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150. http://tfl.nu/ontt
  Replies (20) Good night (1966) Bad night (2690)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (240): Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone. http://tfl.nu/49no
  Replies (7) Good night (436) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (561): Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old. http://tfl.nu/6giy
  Replies (1) Good night (537) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (585): I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits. http://tfl.nu/c0pb
  Replies (8) Good night (518) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (310): View more from California

  So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (310): So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me.. http://tfl.nu/vhak
  Replies (2) Good night (578) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (602): The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery" http://tfl.nu/wak2
  Replies (2) Good night (442) Bad night (400)

Randomize