IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december