you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dating After Heartbreak
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.