Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
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I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
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I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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