If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
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Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND