I just saw a hot homeless man
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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