yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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