you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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