I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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