my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
