we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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