Swine flu. Run for my life!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
