You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Someone signed my nipple.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
