How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
