She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
