Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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