nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
