3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
