I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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