i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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