Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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