Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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