Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
