Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
being pregnant is like rehab
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
