I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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