he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
