Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
