I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
