Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
