The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
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i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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