Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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