and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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