Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
