Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
