I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
