he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
