I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
