Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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