Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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